


Twitter Experiment

by Majela



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humour, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 03:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majela/pseuds/Majela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock tries Twitter.</p><p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Twitter Experiment

**Author's Note:**

> This is just silliness. If you are Catholic you might not enjoy . Apologies in advance.

 

 

 

Sherlock? Where's the milk?

 

Hmm?

 

The milk. You were supposed to get some. You said -

 

No. 

 

Jesus Christ. I just finished a double, I am _exhausted,_ now I have to go out again?

 

Language, John.

 

What are you doing, you lazy git?

 

Tweeting.

 

Tweeting?

 

It's an experiment.

 

On? 

 

To see how many followers I can accumulate.

 

Followers.

 

I'm going to beat Jesus.

 

Ummm. What?

 

Though I'm rather disappointed. At first the results looked promising, but now I'm being unfollowed.

 

Sher- you're not using your real name, are you?

 

Of course not. Does anyone?

 

Nope. And since when are you interested in social media? That's sort of my area.

 

You blog, I tweet. I'm helping. 

 

Okay. I seriously doubt that.    

 

It will be good for business! I even created an account for you. You are doctorjohn, I am theomnipotentone.

 

You're having me on, aren't you.   

 

Not sure I like doctorjohn though, it's not very original. You'll have to come up with something better.  

 

I never asked - I need tea.

 

We're out of milk.

 

Yes, I know.  

 

I do like your first post though. _Thou shalt have no other blogs before me_. And I added a link to your website.

 

Oh my God.

 

_Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, unless Sherlock forgets the milk._

 

Sherlock, has it occurred to you that some people might actually be offended by you comparing yourself to a holy deity? Other than yourself ? Never mind.

 

I have no intention of offending anyone, John. I respect all religions equally. This is just an experiment.

 

On what? Gullibility of the masses? How quickly you can expand your dickishness to every continent?

 

The point, John, is to see how quickly I can amass more followers than Jesus. Scholars estimate that, in addition to his twelve disciples, Jesus had several thousand followers. Justin Bieber has 51 million. The world's going to hell John, I'm just trying to bring balance to the universe.

 

Right. And how exactly are you going to do that?

 

By updating the ten commandments. The language definitely needs updating. What is a graven image anyway? And who uses the word covet anymore?

 

Uh-huh.

 

 _Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy._ Well society ditched that one long ago. How can church compete with a 24 hour Tesco?

 

And yet, you failed to get milk.

 

 _Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor_. Okay, I was just kidding about the Twitter account for you. I barely have enough time for my own.

 

Thou shalt not kill.

 

Precisely!  Dull.

 

You are unbelievable.

 

 _Thou shalt not commit adultery._ Seriously ? If people followed that one there would be no private detectives left.

 

Right. And who are you following?

 

I'm not following anyone, they're supposed to follow me, that's the point. 

 

How long before your unfollowers figured out you weren't just being ironic?

 

Two days. Don't need them. If they can't take me seriously, they'll invalidate the results.

 

No one takes Twitter seriously, Sherlock.

 

Why not? It's an effective means of communication. Concise messaging to a vast audience, very efficient for imparting wisdom. Jesus would have loved it. 

 

You do realize I am baptized.

 

 _Thou shalt not steal_. Hmm. Might have to give the skull back.

 

And apparently immune to being offended.

 

 _Honor thy father and thy mother_. Oh yes, Mycroft tried using that one against me. I am _never_ seeing Les Mis. 

 

How many are you up to so far?

 

One hundred and sixty three. If Jesus came back, John, how many followers do you think he would have?

 

Well, he'd have to deal with the competition first, wouldn't he? I'm not sure even Jesus would befriend you.

 

You're not being very charitable.

 

Fine. What have you tweeted so far.

 

Justsome useful observations.

 

Such as?

 

_Monitor your chemical intake carefully._

 

Okay. What else?

 

_Resurrection isn't easy._

 

Here, let me see.

 

_Be nice to your doctor. Doctors are very efficient murderers._

 

Glad you realize that. We are also exceedingly patient.

 

Isn't it the other way around? Isn't that why your clients are called patients?

 

Give me that.

 

_Improve your eulogy._

_Foist not your religion at my door._

 

_Thou shalt ask questions. If someone says thou must not question it, thou shalt question it all the more._

_Don't guess. Deduce._

 

_No one knows everything. Not even me._

 

Some of these I actually like, Sherlock. Especially that last one.

 

_Now and then, get the milk._

 

Back in a few.

 


End file.
